Don't You Want Me?
by Seblander
Summary: Set in 2x14. Rachel and Blaine's makeout session lead Kurt to a small breakdown in Rachel's room, only to be found out by Finn Hudson, whom becomes an expected source of solace for him. Furt friendship.


He couldn't believe it. He'd brought Blaine to this party with the intention of finally telling Blaine his feelings. But then Blaine started to drink a little, and it got to the point where if Kurt admitted his feelings, Blaine probably wouldn't have remembered the next morning anyway. Plus Kurt had been more than a little pissed off. He had brought Blaine, and Blaine hadn't even spoken to him after the first half hour. And then spin the bottle had happened and it was a huge mix of hurt and jealousy and _how could Rachel betray me like that_ and _Blaine I thought you liked me. _

And now he's sat here. In Rachel's disgustingly decorated bedroom, standing on an ugliest rug he's ever seen, drunk for the first time in his life. He's going through her red drawers-honestly what is she thinking, red drawers, yellow walls, purple lamp?-and searching for something, anything to take his mind off that far too long, far too slow kiss. He's more upset that he couldn't be enough for Blaine than he's upset with Rachel. It wasn't like he'd never done something to betray her.

He thought Blaine knew that he liked him. He thought Blaine liked him back. But he was obviously jumping to conclusions. He was delusional, right? I mean, he crushed on Finn. Finn, a straight boy. He had to admit, it was pretty stalkerish setting your parents up to get close to a boy. He hated himself for that.

And then there was Sam. Sweet, blonde Sam, whom he had thought had flirted with him. But oh no, no. He wasn't flirting. It was just Kurt being _delusional. _Because that's what Kurt was. He made everything up in his head. Even Burt knew he'd made it up, before he'd even met Sam.

But Blaine. Blaine with his honey eyes. Blaine that asked him to sing duets, Blaine that held his hand, Blaine who was there when he needed to cry. Mercedes had been oh-so-sure that Blaine flirted with him. Kurt hadn't noticed at first, but after Mercedes had mentioned flirting, he noticed it constantly. And although Mercedes had helped start the delusion this time, he really couldn't blame her.

He didn't like all this thinking of times that he embarrassed himself. He was still searching through her drawer when he saw a little pink bag. He found make-up inside. He had put make-up on his mother as a child. He still does it for Rachel sometimes. He'd quite like to do her make up for prom, where she'll no doubt take Blaine. God, what if it became serious? What if they actually went on a proper date? What is it with Rachel stealing the guy he likes? Blaine is _gay_ for god sakes. Or well, is he? He had been all over Rachel all night.

Being drunk was what no doubt made his next idea sound amazing. Maybe if he looked like a girl, like _Rachel, _Blaine might actually kiss him too. He picks up all the make-up he can find, and while he does an alright job, he can't help but feel ridiculous. Is he going too far again?

When he's finished applying the make-up, he sits silently for a few minutes, before he looks into the mirror. And all he can see if his mother looking back at him. And she looks sad, but he guesses it's really just his reflection. The more he stares the more overwhelmed he feels, and suddenly everything he's bottled up inside comes back, and he's crying. He's crying because he feels pathetic. He's crying because he's gay. He's crying because he's spent his time in high school being a stalker to straight boys. He's crying because when he finally met someone who's gay, finally met someone who has the potential to like him, they'd still rather kiss a girl than him. He's crying because he misses his mom. He's crying because he almost lost his dad. He's crying because he was bullied since he started school. He's crying because Karofsky kissed him. Because people think it's funny to beat him down emotionally and physically. He's crying because his life is a mess and he hates himself. He's crying because he's sitting in Rachel's bedroom, plastered in make up, crying over a boy.

He's crying because he just wants to be loved. He wants to share himself with someone who will love him for who he is. Why had he thought it was a good idea to put all this make up on? He feels ridiculous and pathetic. He feels wrong.

"Dude, Are you okay?"

Kurt's head snaps round to see Finn in the doorway. Shit.  
"Oh my god, I'm sorry, Finn-" Kurt starts, but he's cut off by Finn.  
"Kurt, don't- don't apologize, what's going on?" Finn asks, "Why have you got all that make up on your face?"  
"I just- I- Finn," And then Kurt just _breaks_. Sobbing so hard he's struggling to breathe and when did he turn into this? When did his life become so difficult? Why was he so sad lately?  
"Dude, dude, come here," Kurt gets up as Finn makes his way further into the room and let's himself be wrapped up in Finn's warm arms.

After a few minutes Finn grabs Rachel's make-up wipes and tips Kurt's head to the right. Kurt just enjoys the nice feeling of being cared for. He just shuts his eyes and lets Finn clean his face.  
And right now? He feels loved. And he feels accepted. And maybe not in the way he'd like, but for right now it was enough.


End file.
